Friday, January 15, 2010


I have had a job for about 5 months after not having a job for 3+ years. It has been good. I have a simple job with great people to work with and nice students who keep me wondering about the future of society. I will be quitting my job in the next couple of weeks. I am so looking forward to life with my daughter. Playgroup and swimming lessons and craft time at home.
Before I got a job, all I wanted was to go back to work. I felt as though I was missing something in my life. Before I had my daughter, my whole sense of self centered around my career and lacking a career, I felt I was nothing. Motherhood, especially in the hard first 2 years, was not fulfilling to me. It was a series of fumblings and failings sprinkled with the occasional light moment. It was the hardest, physically and emotionally, 2 years of my life. It is time I cherish, but do not wish to re-live. I don't know if it is because my daughter is older or if it is because I am, but I want to be a mother now. I want to see her explore the world. I want to help her develop a great sense of self that is not based on what she does, rather, who she is. I am keenly aware that I must continue to develop me, and not base me on her. Mother is not all I am. It is not all I do, it just is just one strand of the dandelion seed head that I call my life.

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