I am reading a book about writing a book. The book talks about free form writing: Just putting down what you think as you think it. If I hadn't been reading this book I wouldn't have made the last post, but it did seemed to clear my writers block. Perhaps I just needed to read what my negative voice was saying so I would better understand what to ignore.
There are so many names: down. moody. absent-minded. dysthymia. chronic clinical depression. These are some of the names of what I need to, and am trying to, ignore. Maybe if I read it, I can overcome it. I have obviously fallen off the 'up' wagon. My thoughts have gone back to being muddy and uncertain. My chin has dropped and the corners of my mouth have frozen. Oh...to be normal. I don't know of many people who wake up one day and are cured, they seem to struggle with this for a lifetime. Normal people go through periods of depression-generally after a crisis. Others go through periods of uncertainty during major life changes. What about the ones, like me, who run for years on the low end of the mood spectrum? What about those who have done the work and can't snap out of it. History is full of very eccentric people who struggle with depression and they seem to die tragic deaths. I'm not afraid of dying tragically-I am more afraid of living tragically.