Thursday, December 31, 2009

Craft Projects

I did a craft project with my daughter yesterday. It was doomed from the beginning. A simple project where you put heavy-duty contact paper onto wrapping paper so you can cut out funky shapes to put on the wall. (btw-I also use this technique for place mats.) It started off with not buying contact paper, but sticky shelf paper-they were in the same bin. The paper didn't go on smoothly. It wasn't sturdy enough to maintain its shape on the wall. The shapes did not look cool. I have this picture in my head of how it should look, and I waaayyyy missed the mark. That is so disheartening to me. I hate it when I can't make what I think into what I see.


I ran a 5K for my 30th Birthday in August. It took 4 months to go from walking to running and from running a little, to running more than a little. Now four months later, I can barely run to the bathroom. This year for my birthday I am going to run a 10K.
I ran the 5K only loosing 15 pounds. No, let's be clear-I gained 9 pounds first, then lost those 9 pounds and 6 more. 15 pound is the difference between a size. 15 pounds is a huge difference to my personal self-worth. Running made me clear-headed for a few minutes a day. Running made me feel like I was accomplishing something. Running made me feel healthy. It surprises me that with such a huge mental impact, I can give it up. Stopping running comes gradually. Miss one day...miss two days, then the weather changes, then go to work. Before I knew it I hadn't run for a month...then the Holidays. I think that is how life works...Take your mind off the goal for one day-then 4 months later you wonder if it was all just a dream.

Tuesday, December 29, 2009


I don't own a house. I wonder sometimes if I ever will. It seems to me that it would be a great expense and also a great disappointment. I would want to make everything perfect-perfectly decorated, perfectly appointed, perfectly managed. I know that I am not capable of perfection. I can't stay caught up with laundry in my apartment, I don't know why I think it would be any different in a house.

The kind of house I want (if we hit the lotto, of course) is an old craftsman bungalow with beautiful wood work and spacious rooms. The kind of house my husband would want is brand-spanking new-generic. Big rooms with big ceilings and no real character. We discuss this, and I know he would win. We would buy a brand-spanking new house and I would forever be remodeling it to create the craftsman character that I love. I would become a master carpenter.

Friday, December 18, 2009


I dream small. I dream of hitting the lotto so I can buy a $155,000 Craftsman Bungalow, in good condition. I dream of shopping at Target instead of Walmart. Small increments. Some might go BIG, with yachts and planes...I dream of a nice garden spot and a Victorian greenhouse. I want a car that can live in a garage. I dream simply. I want a simple craft room full of fabric and paper and paint. I want a playroom for my daughter with a loft. I want my parents to be able to retire. I want time to run and practice yoga. I want dishes without chips in them. I want curtains that match. I want unlimited hot water and the time to soak in a bath.

Money shouldn't change the person...It should accent the beauty within the person. My mom told me that if I had money it would free up enough worry space in my mind that I would be able to concentrate on myself. That scares me.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Sucessful People

There are always those people in life that are destined to be successful. The ones who always seemed to know who they are and how to achieve greatness in their own way. I have always wanted to be one of those people, I, am not. I don't feel the greatness inside of me. I don't gravitate towards success. I feel in my heart that I am mediocre-that I will always be mediocre. "How sad is that moment, the moment you decide to give up," Mumford.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009


I don't usually talk in specifics about my family, I think it is personal. I saw an acquaintance the other day at the store, she had her 2-month old daughter and I had my nearly 3-year-old daughter. She turns and said to me, "don't you wish yours was still this big?" I said, "NO!" She was shocked.
I wouldn't go back to having an infant for anything. I love my preschooler!! I love to talk to her and run with her and watch and listen as she experiences the world. Babies just don't do it for me! I am finally enjoying being a mother, and that is enough!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009


My husband and I went shopping with my brother and sister-in law. They don't have kids. It is apparent to me that they shop differently than we do. We had a list. We walked fast. We bought what we had already decided to buy-we were prepared. My brother and sister-in-law looked. They tried the buttons. They tested the softness of the pet bed. They took their time. That, I think, was the biggest difference: we were on a mission, they were on an 'outing.'

Music of Life

I haven't purchased any new music for about 5 years or more. My husband purchases it as often as we can afford it. He downloads free stuff. He even has music on his FaceBook page. I told him one time that if we hit the lotto I would get into music. He was shocked, "Why wait?." To me, music seems like a frivolous expense, an extra. I guess it is not what makes I guess it is what makes him...him.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Inside Voice and Outside Voice

My Inside Voice and Outside Voice often get confused, I have a habit of saying what I mean at the most inappropriate times. Conversely, when it really matters, my voice goes quiet. This is an internal mis-wiring that I can't quite seem to rectify. I don't know how to understand my own thinking, but I am constantly frustrated when others don't understand me. There it is...another conflict.

So what do I listen to? My outside voice, my inside voice or the voice that comes and goes? I am not a spiritual person, but sometimes I think I want to be. It would be nice to let someone else make the decisions. Nice to let someone else bare the burden of the results. It doesn't work that way for me. I have this need to live with the decisions I have made for right or wrong, regardless of the outcome. Isn't the that definition of insanity? To do the same thing over and over and expect a different result?

Simple Things

Laundry is a simple thing in life. Simple, important and quite pleasent. The hum of the machine, the warmth of the dryer, the privacy with time to think as I fold.

Gardening. Dirt in my hands and under my nails. Watching the life-cycle of Peas. I find peas facinating. The curly, tiny vines, the pink and purple flowers the smell of the plant itself. I love it! Digging and watering. Watching life grow and change.

I think it is the water I love in simple things.

Bill S. Preston, Esq.

I work at a college computer lab and I get to see the latest 'college fashion'. It is different now then when I was in college almost 15 years ago. I say that now, but things are already starting to come back. I say one guy yesterday: tall, shoulder-length dark hair, plaid shirt, fitted jeans, boots...bring back memories? Bill and Ted are alive and well!!! Well, Bill at least.

The cold

The temperature had been below 0 in the mornings before work. My car won't start when it is below 0. My husband fixed it! He is good with cars. If we win the Millions in the lotto, he would become a 'car guy'. He would rebuild things and fabricate things and paint things. These things I care nothing about, but I care about him and herefore I care about his car things. Funny how that happens, I care about cars now, by default.