Today is my first day back as a full time Stay-At-Home-Mom. This was a very difficult day. I made a breakfast that burned. I had trouble with my daughter in the shower. I forgot to get money for preschool-until after class. When Kristin came home from preschool I made lunch that she decided would be better eaten off the carpet instead of the plate. Later, nap time was in the car from point A to point B-which means a grumpy little girl this evening. Some how during the course of the day, the floors got clean and a few loads of laundry were done. Dinner turned out, but I don't know how I managed to make such a mess. I guess this is life. It would have been easier to be at work today and only really have to deal with dinner and laundry and floors.
There is such pressure to be a SAHM. If my kid acts out in school-it is my problem-I spend everyday with her and should have corrected bad behavior. If my husband is hungry or unhappy-it is my problem-I should have made him a better lunch or massaged his feet when he got home. There are now an infinite number of things that I should be doing to make everything run perfectly and if I am home and things don't run perfectly-it is a reflection on me, and me alone.
It was different as a working mom. If laundry didn't get done daily-or semi-daily it was okay. If I was too tired (more likely out of ideas) for dinner, pizza was okay. If my kid only gets 5 hours one on one and not 10 it was okay because it was 'quality time.' TV cannot be a babysitter if I am here all day. My mind-set has to change. I now have no time to myself-no 10 minutes to think on the way to work. No distraction from all the things I am doing wrong...no excuse.
I am determined (okay semi-determined) to do better at meal planning and housework and quality time with my kid. This time I am going into SAHM-hood knowing full well what I am getting myself into. I am determined to succeed. I now realize that my family depends on it.