Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Come to Jesus

I am on the verge of a 'come to Jesus moment.' I had one a few weeks ago, which you all were witness to, about my frustration with life. There is pain associated with life; pain associated with exposure of feelings and deeply held self-truths. The pain I felt after reading my inner critic was immense...I cried and stewed for days and days afterwards. Everything made me upset, my mind wouldn't stop racing, my body hurt with the pain of agony and the battling of wills. After the pain comes Jesus. When I couldn't do anymore, or be anymore or pretend anymore, all that is left is to give it up-come to Jesus and give it up. Give up the pain and the stigma and the worry and the hiding and finally accept that this is who I am and I AM DEPRESSED and that doesn't make me bad or lazy or stupid or less-just different.
I was always taught that Jesus would take away the burden of things, but never really believed it. Maybe I believe more in the idea of Jesus than the actual person, the idea of someone else taking care of me and making it okay to be me is a very warm thought. 'Coming to Jesus' is a last ditch effort to give up the battle and walk away from the war and accept that I am okay. I am now free to fight new battles and win new wars. I am on the verge of another 'come to Jesus' about my weight. If it is true that your 30's are the best years of your life, I am running full speed at best-ness. Two 'Jesus incidents' and I've only been 30 for 5 months...

1 comment:

  1. I'm not sure how to even comment to this because I don't want to say anything that will make you mad. But, in a nutshell, I feel like any help from Jesus is a good thing. The idea of letting someone else carry your burdens will make things lighter for you; literally and spiritually. Give it a try and follow your gut.