Thursday, May 6, 2010

The Fits

My daughter has started throwing fits at an amazing frequency complete with ear-splitting volume. Just now, when I told her it was time to leave McDonald's she threw herself onto the floor and kicked her feet and screamed at the top of her lungs. There is no reason she started this-one day out of the blue she started kicking on the floor. I wish this behavior would stop, it does nothing but aggravate the hell out of me. This fit-throwing escalates 3 out of 5 times into all out battle. I know she is only 3.5, but she has a way of sucking away my very will to live!! I don't know how this started or how I can end this, but I am done with the fits.
I hate being the bad mother dragging my kid out of McDonald's by her arm. I hate being the one yelling and threatening, I hate being the bad guy... what did I do to make her like this? She gets my full attention all day every day and it is still not enough. Maybe that is it, she gets her way most of the time, so when she doesn't, she flies off the handle. Whatever it is, she is pushing me ever closer the the edge of my sanity. Padded Room, here I come!
Tell me again what the upside to motherhood is?!?!? I have to remind myself that I chose this. I can do this. It's not that bad. It doesn't feel that way on the inside. I feel like I fail more than I succeed at motherhood and at life. As a child I was always the 'good' kid. Kept to myself, did the right thing, entertained myself and stayed out of trouble. I remember as a kid-maybe 4th or 5th grade-being in my room with my ZooBooks animal posters all layed out thinking-knowing- this would be my life. Alone in my room with my stuff. I spent years in my 20's as an adult alone in my room. Even now, in my 30's, alone in my house. But now I have a kid that I can't handle and don't understand who yells back to drive home how horrible I am. I wish I could go back to being alone in my 20's and avoid the therapy for both Kristin and I.

1 comment:

  1. If I say "This to shall pass" are you going to smack me? :) I don't know what it's like to have a screaming child, but I do know that you are a wonderful mother, a strong determined woman, and that you CAN get through this. Go to your resources (books at the library, google, etc) and find out what the "experts" say. Most of all hang in there and know that you are loved!!!